As a Woman in STEM, with Tiffany Dawson
Introducing Tiffany
Tiffany’s book club recommendation: Playing Big, by Tara Moore
Tiffany is founder of Tiffany Dawson Coaching, where she helps women working in STEM careers to realize wildly fulfilling work and home lives. Tiffany helps women from all over the world to set action-based career goals, learn how to turn the volume down on their inner critic, gain the courage to self promote and much more. She also works to raise awareness as to why gender equality in STEM is needed. Tiffany knows from experience that any woman can take control of their own careers and set themselves free from challenges holding them back.
Tell us about some of the obstacles you’ve faced as a woman in STEM.
At the start of my career, I was unaware that women had it more difficult than men in engineering. It just was not on my radar. Maybe I had heard other people talk about it before, but I hadn't really listened because I thought, “oh, you know, this doesn't really apply to me.”
The more and more senior I became though, the more I saw a gap between me and some of my peers, especially my male peers. I didn't make the gender distinction until a bit later; at the time, I just thought, “oh, maybe I'm just not as good as them so I'm not getting these opportunities to go to client meetings, or they're not putting me on these interesting projects because I'm just not good as an engineer.” I could see my male peers getting better opportunities than me, so I just assumed that I wasn’t as good as them.
That gap just grew wider and wider as I became more and more senior. I now know that the gap grew because of the relationships that you grow with each opportunity. My male peers were all able to find older brother figures in the workplace, who would take them under their wing and see them as younger versions of themselves, taking them along to meetings or to client drinks, thinking, “you know, we'll have a good time because just like I did with my older brother figures back in the day.” Whereas for me, that was more difficult, because the role models that I did have didn't connect with me on that same personal level, because we weren’t the same. Most of my leaders were males or completely different to me.
What happens to us when we believe we’re not getting opportunities because of our ability is that we just try and do more work. We work harder and harder, trying to show that we're doing more hours than anyone else just to get recognized. But that actually doesn't help you get recognition whatsoever, and often leads to burn out. It was even to the point where I was leading a team of 30 engineers for one of our biggest clients, half of them being 20 years older than me, and still thinking that I wasn’t good enough. It became a massive case of imposter syndrome for me. I questioned myself everyday.
Do you have any advice on what to do if a male colleague makes an inappropriate comment towards you, as a woman in a male dominated industry?
It’s such a hard topic. For example, often people will say inappropriate things because they think it’s funny, which makes it even more difficult to tell them it’s inappropriate. They say, “oh, I didn’t mean it that way.”
I think it’s important to firstly say that If someone says something inappropriate to you and you don't know how to respond, or you just choose not to respond in that moment, please don't go and feel guilty about it afterwards, because I think so many women do and I've done this myself. I would think to myself, “I should have said something,” or, “it was such bad form of me to just laugh along.” But actually, it’s an unfair situation to be put in. You shouldn't have to feel guilty for not reacting in the perfect textbook way.
I think the best way of dealing with this situation is that if you do feel uncomfortable, and you don't know what to say, then ask, “what do you mean by that?” Try and get them to really think about what they've just said, because oftentimes, they’ve said it because they haven't thought it through. They haven’t maliciously tried to say something awful to you. By asking them to clarify, you don't have to know all the right answers, and you can at least start a conversation that might be really healthy.
Tell us about a role model you had and what you respected about them.
I did have an amazing role model in my early engineering days, who I still sometimes keep in touch with on Instagram.
She took me under her wing and kind of became an informal mentor. She would take me out for lunch and invite me to meetings and women's networking events. She was always there to challenge and encourage me to grow, even though I didn't know it at the time - I just thought we were having friendly chats. She was able to do it in such a natural way.
She was just everything I wanted to be. She knew her stuff in a technical engineering sense, and she was a great people person. She was climbing up the ranks, but also had a really thriving social life. She was everyone's friend. I really admired the fact that she didn't just focus on her career; she also really prioritized her family and social life. Since then, I've always kind of modeled myself based on her throughout the rest of my career.
Do you have any tips for overcoming imposter syndrome that you teach as part of Tiffany Dawson Coaching?
Amongst other topics, I coach a lot of women on lack of confidence, imposter syndrome or whatever else you want to call it. I run workshops on this very topic because I suffered from it so badly, and was able to overcome it very easily.
Two things helped me overcome imposter syndrome.
First is what I call Name and Shame. Basically, the theory is that people who suffer from low confidence or imposter syndrome have this inner critic in their head, telling them things like, “you’re not good enough to do this, you’ll only embarrass yourself, don’t wear that you look fat,” or whatever it is. The first thing to know is that this is just a really old part of your brain that hasn't evolved; it's trying to protect you from making a fool of yourself, but you don’t need it anymore.
An example of this could be asking for a promotion. Asking for a promotion was really scary for me, because I thought, “what if I get rejected? What if they laugh at me because I'm actually nowhere near ready to get this promotion? What if they fire me?” I went to all these extremes of what if, so then a lot of the time, I just wouldn't talk about it. I’d just wait until someone handed me a promotion, instead of really going for it.
To do Name and Shame, give that inner critic a character. For me, it’s Judge Judy. Every time your inner critic shows up, pretend it’s that character. This creates separation between you and your inner critic. You’re less likely to believe what others tell you than you are to believe what you tell yourself.
The second thing that helped me get rid of my imposter syndrome was Flip the Focus. It’s really simple. Every time you feel the fear and what if’s rise up, stop and think about what the benefits would be to other people.
So, for a promotion, it might be being a good female role model for other women. They'll see that I got a promotion, so it's possible for them as well. Or, maybe I'll have more say in making decisions that will be better for the team. Or, I’ll be able to buy my dog a nicer bed, or whatever it is for you.
What is one thing you think it important to remember as a woman in STEM?
Remember that you can still build strong relationships without being one of the boys. You don’t have to change the way you behave just because other people behave differently; in other words, you don’t have to change yourself just because of the status quo.
Who is someone who inspires you, and why?
My husband is a really big inspiration of mine. Before I started my business, he had lots of businesses. Some that have done really well, some that have failed, and nothing ever fazes him. He's just always wanting to start new businesses.
So that inspires me, the courage to bounce back, get back on the horse, and get really excited about new ideas even if you’ve just failed.
Reflecting on your journey from engineering into running your own coaching business, what would you tell your younger self?
I would tell my younger self to think of life and career as a series of experiments, rather than a pathway to follow or steps to get right. Looking back, I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure each career step I took was the right one, but actually there is no ‘right’ step and the way to figure out the path that's right for you is to try different things.
If you do something that you don’t like, or it doesn't work out, or you're awful at it, that's ok. It's just an experiment. You realize that's not the direction you want to go in and you try something else. I think that also brings in more playfulness in figuring out your next steps, rather than, “if I do this and it doesn't work, what will happen to me? I better not take the next step.”
Find Tiffany Dawson Coaching
Website: www.tiffanydawson.co
Email: tiffany@tiffanydawson.co
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